Speaking of things we should be frightened of, this scares the crap out of me:
To the bafflement of insect experts, gigantic yellow jacket nests have started turning up in old barns, unoccupied houses, cars and underground cavities across the southern two-thirds of Alabama.
The largest nest Ray has inspected this year filled the interior of a weathered 1955 Chevrolet parked in a rural Elmore County barn. That nest was about the size of a tire in the rear floor seven weeks ago, but quickly spread to fill the entire vehicle, the property owner, Harry Coker, said. Four satellite nests around it have gotten into the eaves of the barn, about 300 yards from his home.
There aren't many things I am scared of, but angry flying stinging insects are among them. Once, when hiking to Burro Mesa Pouroff many years ago with friends, we had to go through a place I dubbed "Wasp Canyon." It was hard for me to do, but I wanted to get to the end. As red wasps seemingly dive-bombed me, my friend Kelly told me that if I point at them, they would go away. They didn't go away, and I looked like an idiot, but I felt somewhat empowered.
When I was a kid, my cousin and I were poking around inside my grandpa's shed. There was a yellow jacket nest (a small one) and we took pains to avoid disturbing the dozen or so wasps crawling all over it. Then a jet flew over going faster than the speed of sound (this occasionally happened in rural areas during the Cold War). The sonic boom shocked all of the yellow jackets and they fell to the ground. For a moment, they all were still in a little scattered pile. Then they exploded in a frenzy of angry buzzing. We ran into the house at a speed just under that of sound.
That yellow jackets have suddenly evolved in Alabama to build multi-queen nests the size of cars should be extremely troubling. Why haven't we raised the terror alert level? What is the Dept. of Homeland Security doing to protect us from this insectoid menace? Do we wait until a mushroom cloud of yellow jackets erupts over Mobile? We must preemptively address the scourge now, before it is too late.
